Thursday, October 4th, 2018 at 3:52 PM. This date changed my life forever.
Birth wasn’t at all what I anticipated it to be. In fact, it was surprisingly better than I ever could have imagined.
The moment I found out I was pregnant, thus began anxiety about giving birth. The pain, the sweat, the tears, and I began to panic of what could or may not ever happen.
Kevin and I “secretly” planned an elective induction. The mass amounts of anxiety I had, in the beginning, sent me to a heart doctor at around 17 weeks due to chronic palpitations. After discussing with my doctor she brought up the idea of having an elective induction. The moment she told me it was an option I began to think of all the people who were going to criticize me. Terrible, right? Who cares what people think!
Nevertheless, she sent me on my way and I began to ponder on this idea and what it would be like to have a “planned” birth. I loved the idea for a few reasons:
- I wanted my doctor to deliver Brooklyn. I was comfortable with her and if I went naturally, there was a 50% chance a male doctor would deliver her. Hated, hated, hated that idea. I’ve never liked male doctors.
- Kevin’s job was super demanding and I was nervous that he might not be able to get away when I needed him. This was uber important seeing as how we lived in Texas without any family around us.
- I think half my anxiety was anticipating when it would happen, where would I be when my water broke, how much laboring at home I’d have to do, would I be able to drive myself to the hospital if Kevin couldn’t leave in time, etc.
After two weeks of thinking about it, and asking crucial questions about the risks and rewards of inducing, I signed myself up for the exact date I knew Brooklyn would be born. I’d check myself into the hospital on October 3rd at 9:30 PM. I told very few people for judgment from others was still a factor for me. The last thing I needed was for people to tell me I was doing the wrong thing.
Surprisingly, knowing when this was going to happen calmed me and gave me a sense of peace. Kevin would be there and I could feel somewhat in control. Also, my palpitations began to slow down, which was a huge bonus!
After my last massive cleaning spree, we watched an episode of The Office, I ate my last meal, and we drove to the hospital. I said a prayer in the car and I walked in feeling confident; scared, but confident.
The process was quick, the receptionist checked us in, I changed into one of those awful gowns, got comfy on the semi-comfortable bed and two nurses began to hook me up to all sorts of machines. As I was getting poked and prodded, I thanked heaven above that this was all almost over. They asked if I wanted to keep the placenta, Kevin and I both in unison said “NO!” The nurse’s response? “Oh thank God.” They asked if I wanted a mirror, I said nope. Didn’t want to remember it, didn’t want to see it.
After they set me up and had me and my belly attached to every machine possible, they inserted something (I really don’t know what it was) to soften the cervix, they gave me the remote, turned off the lights and my husband when to sleep right away. Lucky duck.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep at all. I began to feel mild discomfort but nothing too crazy. Throughout the night the same nurse came in to check how dilated I was and let me tell you, that was the worst part of the entire process! I’m not sure if it was that nurse specifically or what, but it was so painful I couldn’t breathe.
At some point during the early morning, I started to feel mild contractions but still was only 2 cm dilated so one of the nurses asked if I wanted something. You know, drugs…
Another hot topic during labor, drugs. I will tell you this, I went in to labor with one thing on my birth plan. I wanted drugs. I wanted to have a labor that was simple and as pain-free as the event came so I could remember the experience as a good one. One that wouldn’t give me PTSD like how Youtube and other birth stories described the situation going down.
So I accepted this drug which the nurse described it feeling like I would have just had a margarita. I remember her inserting it into my IV and I told her, “Whoa, it feels like I just had 5 margaritas.” Her response? “Enjoy it!” It made me somewhat sleepy, but I never actually fell asleep.
Morning came, more excruciating dilation checks, and my husband woke up! Poor thing didn’t want to eat as I wasn’t allowed to (didn’t matter as I didn’t have an appetite due to nerves.) He eventually gave in as the nurse and myself practically demanded that he eat something.
They asked when I wanted my epidural and I kept saying how I was worried it would wear off. They promised me it wouldn’t so I said, “You know what, I want it before my Dr. breaks my water.” I always heard while you’re on Pitocin and after the water breaks, that’s when contractions get strong and I honestly didn’t want to feel what it was like.
At this point, I was 3 cm dilated, and I was getting nervous. They called for the anesthesiologist and when he came in that’s when I lost it. Nerves, not sleeping, and excitement took over. The nurse and Kevin held on to me while he inserted the epidural and surprisingly, it was practically painless! Nevertheless, I was bawling my eyes out. I kept apologizing saying, “I don’t know why I’m crying.” Thankfully I had a super nice nurse, an awesome anesthesiologist, and a supporting husband.
The epidural was amazing, I didn’t feel a thing. More dilation checks and I couldn’t feel it, which was awesome! My Dr. came in, broke my water around 8:30 AM. Another weird feeling, not as terrible as I thought it would be. I ate more ice as I was getting thirsty and about lunchtime, I felt a weird pressure as if she was going to come out. I had the nurse check and I went from a 3 cm to a 9 cm within a few hours! More tears and I had pain on the right side of my body. Remembering that I didn’t want the epidural to run out, my nurse called for another dose of the epidural and then I just remember saying, “I feel so heavy.”
The nurse said some doctor things I don’t understand, she took a lunch break, and when she came back she said it’s time to practice pushing! The crew was called at that point, I practice pushed to the point where she had me stop because she said, and I quote, “I don’t get paid to catch the baby.”
My Dr. arrived, about 5 people showed up in the room, and I tell you what, all sense of modesty goes out the door in this situation. They were worried with the extra dose of epidural I had that I wouldn’t feel the pressure to push. I surprised them! I felt all the pressure and knew exactly what to do almost right off the bat.
Kevin said some things to make me laugh and the pushing part was so comfortable that I said, “I’ll do this again, this isn’t so bad.” Working out during pregnancy definitely helped with pushing, I can tell you that. Regardless if you have an epidural or not, it’s hard work and I was still slightly sweaty.
25 minutes of pushing and then everybody in the room told me she was coming! My favorite nurse asked if I was ready to be a mom and before I knew it, they placed her on me. I didn’t realize the heavy amount of relief that came with her coming out! It surprised me and overwhelmed me to tears. It’s something I’ll never forget.
Kevin had to walk away as he was tearing up, I was crying and we immediately told our Facebook group that she was here! Just like that, it was over. All the sickness in the beginning of pregnancy, the uncomfortableness, the anxiety, the nervousness, the 3-hour sugar test I fret over, it was all totally and 100% worth it, hands down.
I will never forget the two things my Dr. said. As soon as she was coming out, she said, “For your next one you better be close to a hospital because that didn’t take long at all!” NEXT ONE?! This one is barely born, thank you very much. She also found it fascinating that I could keep my wedding bands on throughout my pregnancy. (Another conversation we had while pushing.) I don’t know why, but it made me giggle on the inside.
The birth I wanted, came true! I wanted a painless experience and that’s what I got. She is perfect, and I couldn’t have imagined it going any differently. Praises!
The entire situation was completely worth it, and I will definitely do it again. Regardless of what you chose, regardless of your opinions on elective inducing, or your thoughts on drugs and epidurals, no longer matter to me like it once did.
Each person is entitled to their thoughts, their opinions, and their own birth plan. Birth is incredible and life changing! Becoming a Mama was a lifelong dream of mine and the whole situation couldn’t have gone any better. I thank The Lord for an easy labor and a precious little person of my own.
Stay tuned for my posts on post-partum, pregnancy, Brooklyn’s infant jaundice, depression, and thoughts on Motherhood. In the meantime, if you have questions, ask away!
xoxo,
Ashlyn
